He wants to sit down and have coffee with me.
He wants to sit and reflect.
He asks me to take a moment, to spend time with him.
He tells me I need the rest.
But he’s made me cry so many times before.
He’s made me weep in front of others,
In my hardest of moments, he’s made me hate his very presence.
In the worst times, he’s been there.
I don’t want to sit down with him.
He’ll make me think of all the things I’m missing out on because of it all.
He’ll remind me of the pain I’ll always feel.
He won’t stop talking about everything I just don’t want to feel.
He’ll have a list in hand, of everything he would’ve said.
He’ll give me reasons why I should feel every moment of guilt and defeat.
I don’t like what he talks about.
Because what if it’s true?
I know already I’ll start crying soon.
Just thinking about him and all he’ll say makes me feel nauseous.
I know he may have his points, and it might all be true,
but I don’t want to hear any of it.
I just want to avoid the entire thing.
I’ll stay busy.
I’ll make sure I have plenty of company.
I’ll overstay my welcome at every event.
I’ll make sure my schedule is booked with others and their plans.
I’ll make sure I have every day busy, and I’ll run all the errands.
I’ll stay shopping until late, so when I get home there’s nothing left to do but sleep.
I’ll make sure I set my clock as late as possible.
I’ll be sure to avoid any free time.
I’ll shut down my brain when it seems he might get in.
I’ll think of anything at all, that’s not him.
Even though I’m sure it’s wearing down my mind and body, I’ll not slow down.
I’m too scared he’ll catch up.
Until one day, I’m sure he’ll find me.
I’ll have run out of steam.
I will have no more houses to visit.
All my friends will be busy too.
I’ll not have a thing to do.
I won’t be able to shut my mind down.
And when that day comes, I know he’ll be there.
Because Sorrow, is a friend that never goes away easily.
Sorrow wants to sit down and have coffee with me.
Every second will hurt, with every memory of my Dad I miss.
With every talk I can’t have with him, with every event we can’t go to, with every piece of advice he can’t give me, and every laugh we can’t enjoy I’ll feel the full extent of my loss.
Because Sorrow won’t rest, no matter how much I evade him.
He’s waiting for me to open the door, and face him head on.
I won’t enjoy the time we spend together, but I know that it will be profitable.
Because even in my pain, God has a purpose.
Even with sorrow, I can rejoice.
Sorrow wants to sit down with me.
I slowly open the door, even though every part of me resists.
I’ll sit down and have a cup or maybe two with him.
Because I know this isn’t the end.
Matthew 5:4 – Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.
Jesus loves you!
Posted at M.K. Blog on 26 April 2024
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